I love our flat. It’s the top floor of a new building and has a gorgeous balcony with incredible views overlooking London’s iconic, instantly recognisable and ever-changing skyline. It’s all white walls and high-gloss units, with a grey distressed wooden floor and monsoon shower in two bathrooms. Ok so there’s a storage tank heater taking up the only cupboard we have for storage and clunky heaters in the most ridiculous of places and, for some reason, the ladybird invasion of October seemed to be exclusively concentrated on our balcony. But it’s honestly gorgeous.
Still, although it’s as luxe as you get for commuter-ville, it is rented and therefore we can’t put our unique cat-shaped stamp on it. But, how’s about a bit of dreaming? If I had a million ideas and an endless budget, what luxury little upgrades would I invest in? Flogas’ LPG Prices campaign has asked a few bloggers the same question.
Automation to rival Black Mirror
One episode of the Twilight Zone-inspired series Black Mirror had people cloned into a ‘cookie’ to control everything about the house. Imagine having an exact you to make toast the way you want, open the blinds at the perfect time, and turn the shower on ready for you to undress and lather up. While that’s impossible, home automation systems are making me green with envy. I would love a button to turn the rads on if I’m late from uni. I’d love a button to push to turn on bedtime lights, dimming for a wind-down night of relaxation. Some of London’s million pound penthouses (click the link and prepare to be green) are exclusively run by touch-pad systems, and I would love a piece of that automated action.
Maid service to rival the Plaza
When we stayed at The Plaza last year, the service was what made it five star. A proverbial ballet of staff were there for your every whim. Door holders opened doors, waiters waited, and the bar staff were on hand to serve whatever drink tickled your fancy. Can you imagine having a team of people to procure everything you might need? fancy a fresh and fluffy robe to climb into after work? The housekeeper’s sorted it. Want a healthy meal? The chef will arrange it. Need someone to provide effective CPR in case you end up choking on the chef’s healthy meal? Your valet will oblige. Need some typography to brighen up the walls because you’re fed up with that original Bansky? Sorted mate. Total. Luxe.
Sound pouring in every room
I don’t have a favourite band, but I know a good song when I hear it. Sometimes I feel like dancing my way to breakfast, dancing in the shower, and dancing right out the door. But an iPhone really isn’t the best way to hear a song, and our Bose dock is doing what its name implies and staying in one place. Speakers in every room and a Bluetooth phone would solve that issue. That’s not too much to as, is it?
A Roomba for a Cat
If a whole team of staff isn’t financially viable, then a Roomba-style vacuum will do just as well. Of course, Dyson has got involved in the action and created an all-singing-all-dancing version that sees everything in the home and creates its own schedule with its robot mind to keep floors spick and span 24 hours a day. £800 for a Hoover isn’t too much to ask, is it? Plus, the cats would love it. Speaking about cats…
A room for the cats and the cats alone
Automatic feeders, shelves located on every wall, a giant wheel for the odd sprint, and all the ‘nip they can feast their drug-fuelled eyes on would be located in the Cat Room. W love our fluffy little creatures. We treat them better than we do ourselves with fancy foods and toys. I know they only really want a sun puddle to doze in, a crumpled ball of paper and perhaps the freshly killed carcass of a chicken or other small bird, but they don’t have much space at the moment. Of course, the speaker system would be set up to simulate the outdoor experience, with a fresh breeze allowing them to catch a sniff of the outdoors (less the ladybirds).
Ok, so these are things I don’t have, that I would like. What about what I DO have that I would miss? Would I miss my phone? iPad? Monsoon shower? Well, of course. But what I’d miss the most is the amazing location and breathtaking views we enjoy right now. You know where we watched fireworks on 5th November? From the balcony. We saw about thirty displays in London, plus Chelmsford’s, Billericay’s, Basildon’s, Grays’, Southend’s and everywhere in between. We get the sun shining through the windows first thing in the morning (which keeps the flat warm and snug) and at night we fall asleep to the lights of London twinkling away. The Shard reflects the sun on its slope, and Canary Wharf beams its lights at night.
No. No, I wouldn’t give that up in a hurry. Not as long as I can help it.