Well. It’s been two weeks working in the midst of the Chelsea, Sloane, and Belgravia set. Every day at lunch I’ve tried to go out and explore the area, from the V&A which is a stone’s throw from work, to some of the prettiest mews houses and side streets I’ve ever seen.
It’s a place unlike no other. My family hail from the East End, moving further out into Essex before my grandparents decided to retire next to Sandringham in Norfolk, so I’m more familiar and at home in Shoreditch and the City.
Exploring new sights in London, the city I love, will never cease to fascinate me. And with a Chelsea supporting firate husband, he’s thrilled I’m learning the best there is around the area.
So here are my four observations of Chelsea and all things Sloaney after being immersed in its culture for a fortnight:
1. I’ll never live in SWanything
Unless, of course, someone fancies paying a £3,000 PER WEEK rental charge. Plus services. Plus concierge. Plus bills. It’s absolute insanity. Still it doesn’t stop me dreaming about living the London life.
In reality, instead of a pretty townhouse I’d be in a studio flat in a basement sleeping in the kitchen, I’d have to give up food and socialising and pretty much live in poverty but whatever, I’d have a SW post code. Because THAT’S what matters.
2. Unsure if drunk or just eccentric
Walking around you hear a range of accents in this part of posh London. And being honest, half of them are indecipherable and ridiculously prim, to the point where it’s impossible to grasp what’s actually being said.
I’m genuinely unsure if the lady sat in the park next to me last Friday had a few too many at lunch, or whether she’d created a language us serfs would have no chance understanding, therefore keeping her socialite secrets between her close set of friends.
‘Yaaaaaah swit, I kner wortyu saidyasterdy but I MAST cancllll, Tarquin hasan unSUFFrble fevah, it’s jast beeeeeen a RAGING dissapointmt for orlofas… fnarr fnarr’
3. Looking good is a Big Deal
For those who have no budget on their daily jaunts around Sloane Square, they won’t hesitate at spending £75 on a hat or £225 on a bikini. It’s all about being seen, and the more flamboyant, the more chance of having all eyes on them. Even when we endured thunderstorms to rival Noah’s downpour, girls were still seen in their Hunter wellies, looking flawless and fab carrying their unfathomably tiny dogs through Cadogan’s gardens. Men seem to favour chinos all the colours of the rainbow – including pink. YES. Pink.
There’s even a notoriously tacky Swarovski covered car that circles the area. What’s that saying? Money doesn’t buy taste, class, or elegance, but if you need to compensate for it just add a ton of glitter?
4. It’s pretty
Colourful mews houses are hidden in side streets, and even the impressive dwellings, with doors flanked by whitewashed colonnades are strikingly gorgeous. They’re what I refer to as Mary Poppins houses, and they make west London stunning. Have a wander over to Instagram to get an idea of my lunchtime strolls.
5. It’s incestuous
Everyone knows everyone, has slept with everyone, and has something to say about everyone. It’s not always a bad thing – when good news spreads it spreads fast, but it’s such a tight-knit place I can’t help feeling a little claustrophobic by proxy. Not only are the houses literally on top of each other, affording its lucky residents very little privacy, having secrets whispered around town in a matter of moments is strange. Much like Made in Chelsea (which I no longer watch due to very many inbred-looking faces), it’s all a bit Jeremy Kyle.
Have you got your favourite Chelsea spots? Do you love the area, or loathe it? Let me know!