When I was younger, doing Media Studies at my Worst GCSE-level Results school, we spent a whole term on Lord of the Flies. Basically, in case you’ve been living in a cave within a comet hurtling miles and miles away from Earth this very second, it’s about a load of kids who get stranded on an island, resort to tribalism, kill a fat kid, and freak themselves out over pigs. It’s AWESOME.
We drew maps of the island and spent hours talking about how to survive without adult intervention. Rule 1 in such a situation? Build a shelter.
Not just any shelter. I designed a tree house with pulleys (lazy one I am) and a ladder, and all kinds of amazing features. Rope swings, a constant supply of sweet sweet fruits in fruit season and best of all, a monkey who would fetch things in return for whatever it is monkeys like I guess.
Rather than build one from scratch (I can work a Paslode but that’s pretty much it) these Airbnb alternatives will do. Oh, and for anyone who isn’t an email subscriber SHAME ON YOU, I’m kinda fascinated by Airbnb. A little too fascinated.
For me, this is definitely in the Wanderlust & Envy list.
Catch up on Breaking Bad at White Lotus in America
From £65 per night, 5% tax not included in room rate
If you have a spare 30 days to kill, and Netflix is a must in your tree house, the White Lotus is for you. Situated two hours from Washington DC, the entire site has an organic, eco-friendly, plastics not welcome here approach. Yoga can be arranged by request, and there’s a sauna too.
Get back to nature in a Spanish National Park
From £24 per night
Climb a 3 metre ladder, and cross a bridge to get inside then spend the day relaxing in your own little hut. Sure the toilets are outside, the kitchen too, the… well, it only really has a bed, but that’s not the point. You’re getting back to nature. Ain’t no Netflix here, just the sounds of nature and a few cats.
Train your own monkey butler/thieving monkey at the Rainforest Tree House in Costa Rica
From £56 per night
Hot springs in the rainforest and grotto pools to cool down, what more could you want from a Costa Rican tree house? Sure, it moves a bit when the wind blows, toucans may watch you getting dressed, and howler moneys may serenade you to sleep in their own way but remember, you’re in a tree house. In a rainforest.
Stay close to home (up a tree) in Cornwall
From £100 per night
Your budget might not stretch to Costa Rica or even Spain. So Cornwall is your saving grace here, thanks to Tree Sparrow. It’s tiny, let’s not make any mistake. But, it’s up a tree. It’s cute. It has a kinda-open toilet situation going on but at least it has (some) plumbing. It’s near the cold, dark sea and perfect for anyone who wants to live the Robinson Crusoe life. Except with a toilet.