Don’t beat yourself up
Uttering the words: “I’m back at mum and dad’s…” is usually followed by a nervous laugh and a hurried explanation. Going back to the nest feels like going back to square one, particularly if you’ve got high-flying friends.
It’s important to remember though, that almost every graduate goes home for an extended period, and more and more adults are living with their parents as inflation rises and salaries stay the same. Don’t be hard on yourself, and keep remembering that it’s only temporary.
Parents nagging or not giving you any independence is frustrating, and can potentially damage your relationship. But, you are an adult now (and if you aren’t, why are you reading this? You’re supposed to be at home!), which means you’re more mature than when you left. and some things have probably changed.
Your parents love you unconditionally, but even they aren’t exempt from enjoying a little freedom. When you left they had more space, more independence to do things their way, and one less person to worry about looking after. Try and remember that the transition probably isn’t easy for them either.
At the end of the day, your name isn’t on the mortgage. It’s their house. So, they have a right to adopt the “my house, my rules” attitude that parents typically do. When you move in, though, sit down and lay out some ground rules. Moving back home and expecting to slip right back in the same routine and relationship you had when you were 18 is unrealistic. Tell them they need to respect that you are an adult now, as you need to respsect that it’s their house. Implement some basic rules: knocking before entering bedrooms, cleaning up after yourself, giving them a little warning when friends are coming round and vice verca. Offering to contribute money towards food or utilties will also make you feel as though you have more of a right to be there.
Knowing where you both stand with each other will make the arrangement a lot easier.
This one sounds a bit stupid – but enjoy it while it lasts. Your self-esteem is bruised and battered, but make the most of the home comforts as you can, while you can. You’re lucky to have parents who are willing to let you come home, so enjoy spending as much time with them as an adult before you find your feet and move out (again). Plus, who doesn’t like have a fully stocked fridge?
By Lauren Cope.